When it didn't quite turn out the way you thought it would...

Both you and your partner might feel powerless and fearful, and it can be difficult and a bit scary to be the one on the sidelines, especially if you don’t have any control. Afterwards, you might feel like you didn’t get the support you needed and the interaction didn’t work at all as planned.

Childbirth often releases powerful and sometimes unexpected forces, both physical and mental, especially if it’s your first child. Perhaps you had set your mind on a “natural” birth but when the pain hit you, you lost control. Perhaps you needed some pain relief although you had planned not to take any, and instead of thinking that you did the best you could, you blame yourself and see it as a personal failure. Perhaps you had painted a certain picture for yourself – and it didn’t turn out that way at all (it’s often like that!). No wonder you feel disappointed and sad afterwards.

But you did your very best! Perhaps the childbirth didn’t turn out the way you had hoped, but the outcome of your courage and hard work leads to a wonderful new little person. If you still feel unhappy, remember you are in the middle of a huge change in life, with great expectations for you. Be kind to yourself and be happy about everything you did manage, even though it didn’t turn out the way you thought. Make sure you get to talk about feelings and thoughts concerning your experience of giving birth after your baby is born. It helps you let off some steam and move on. Some maternity wards offer talks with a midwife after you have had your baby, just to be able to process things you found difficult or questions you might have in hindsight concerning your childbirth. This also includes you as a partner as it’s a huge experience for you as well, and it definitely left an impression on you!