Getting a Sibling – Let the Big One Be Little

A Gradual Process

The journey to becoming an older sibling starts during pregnancy. Preparing your child in advance through conversations and involvement in what’s about to happen can be helpful. Talk about the arrival of the new sibling and make sure your child feels included in the preparations. Even when the baby arrives, the adjustment will still be considerable, so be ready with plenty of patience and love, allowing your older child to feel and react in their own way, both positively and negatively.

Practical Preparations

Organise any practical matters and potential new routines beforehand and involve the soon-to-be older sibling in helping or making decisions. Some children enjoy arranging baby items, the changing table, the cot, or the nursery, while others prefer that everything stays the same. Discuss the upcoming changes and explain that the baby won’t be able to do much in the beginning.

When the Baby Arrives

A newborn takes up a lot of time, as parents know, and this inevitably affects the older child. Be prepared for the older sibling to feel left out and in need of more closeness for a while. They might seem completely uninterested in the baby one moment, only to want to cuddle or help with their little sibling the next. Depending on your older child’s reactions and age when the younger sibling arrives, be attentive to various needs and behaviours that may change day by day.

Give your older child some extra attention and don’t expect too much from them in the beginning. It’s helpful to talk about how babies can be a bit of a handful so the older one feels you’re on their side. If you have a partner, take turns giving the older child plenty of attention. When things get busy with the baby, ask family and friends to help make sure the older child doesn’t feel neglected. This often works wonders for the sibling bond.

Acknowledge Feelings and Let the Big One Be Little

It’s common for older siblings, even up to the age of six, to want to be little again. Suddenly, your big child may start talking like a baby, wanting to be fed with a bottle, or carried around. It’s important to acknowledge that this is okay and that you understand your child’s feelings. Becoming an older sibling might mean they need to feel little more often to feel secure.
Try to avoid making other big changes during this time, like giving up a dummy or moving into their own bed. These shifts could be too overwhelming for the little older sibling, making it hard to manage everything smoothly.

Dealing with Whining and Frustration

Some children become unusually whiny or difficult. Try to comfort them as much as possible instead of getting angry. Children don’t misbehave because they want to be troublesome; there is usually a reason, like not knowing how to express what they need from you. It may be about wanting more closeness or feeling insecure. By addressing what your older child seems to need, this period will likely pass more quickly. Remember, this is a major adjustment for them, and it may take time to adapt. Shower them with love and affection, and things will get easier.

Lower Your Expectations

Having multiple children often means a long period of exhaustion for most families. Lower your expectations, both of what needs doing around the house and of what everyone should be able to handle. Focus on spending time and energy on the older child. Be patient and let the older sibling adjust at their own pace, without pressure.

If you’re feeling completely worn out, try not to blame your fatigue on the baby in front of the older child, who might then think the baby is the reason Mum or Dad doesn’t want to play or cuddle. Give the older child extra attention before you need to rest, or take a nap together.

Feeding and Breastfeeding

The focused closeness of feeding or breastfeeding times can make the older sibling feel jealous of the baby. Make sure to “top up” your older child with special one-on-one time before feeding the baby. This way, they’ll feel prioritised and more understanding when you’re with the baby. Sometimes, it can work well to have the older child eat at the same time as the baby, making feeding time a moment of shared closeness.

Supporting Sibling Love

As your family grows, challenges and growth happen side by side. It may take time for the older sibling to get used to the competition, no matter how adorable the baby is—when they aren’t crying, of course…
The fewer expectations you have of the older child, the quicker the siblings are likely to bond. The sibling relationship deepens over time through shared experiences, where play, love, arguments, and the ability to show consideration all play a part. As a parent, you create security for both—or all—siblings by giving each child individual attention and affection while also setting clear boundaries when necessary.

All children are different, and they react in different ways, needing varying amounts of support at different ages. The more individualised support you can provide each sibling, the more likely you are to foster the sibling bond you hope for between your children.