Welcoming a Sibling – Let the Big Kid Be Little

A Gradual Process

The journey to becoming an older sibling starts even before the baby arrives, during pregnancy. Preparing your child early through conversations and involving them in what’s to come can be helpful. Talk about the new sibling on the way and make sure your child feels included in the preparations. When the baby finally arrives, the adjustment will still be significant, so be ready with lots of patience and love, giving your older child space to feel and react in their own way, both positively and negatively.

Practical Preparations

Get practical things and any new routines set up ahead of time, and let your soon-to-be older child help or have a say. Some kids enjoy arranging baby items, like the changing table, crib, or room, while others might prefer for everything to stay the same. Talk about the upcoming changes and explain that babies aren’t capable of much at the beginning.

When the Baby Arrives

As you know, a newborn takes up a lot of your time, and this will inevitably impact the older child. Be prepared for your older child to feel left out and need even more closeness for a while. They might seem completely uninterested in the baby one moment and then want to cuddle or help out the next. Depending on how your older child reacts and their age when the baby arrives, be attentive to their varying needs and feelings day by day.

Give the older sibling a little extra attention and don’t expect too much from them in the beginning. Talk about how babies can be a handful so that your older child feels like you’re on their side. If there are two parents, take turns giving the older child plenty of attention. When things get busy with the baby, you can also ask family and friends to help make sure the older child doesn’t feel neglected. This can do wonders for the sibling relationship.

Acknowledge Their Feelings and Let the Big One Be Little

It’s normal for older siblings, even up to six years old, to react by wanting to be little again. Suddenly, your big kid might start using baby talk, asking to be fed with a bottle, or wanting to be carried. It’s important to acknowledge that this is okay and that you understand their feelings. Becoming an older sibling might make them need to feel little more often to feel secure.
Try to avoid introducing other big changes during this time, like giving up a pacifier or transitioning to a new bed. It might be too much all at once and difficult for your older child to handle well.

Dealing with Whining and Frustration

Some children react by becoming extra whiny or defiant. Try to comfort them as much as possible rather than getting angry. Kids don’t act out to be annoying; there’s usually a valid reason that might be about them not knowing how else to express their needs. It could be that they’re craving more closeness or feeling insecure. Being sensitive to your older child’s needs will likely help this phase pass more quickly. Remember, this is a major adjustment for them, and it may take time to get used to the new situation. Shower them with love and closeness, and it will work out eventually.

Lower Your Expectations

Having more than one child often means a long period of exhaustion for most families. Lower your expectations, both of yourself in terms of household tasks and of what others should be able to do. Focus more on your older child. Be patient and let your older child adjust at their own pace, without pressure.

If you’re feeling completely worn out, it’s a good idea to avoid blaming the baby in front of the older child, who might then think it’s the baby’s fault when you don’t want or have the energy to play or cuddle. Give your older child some extra attention before you need to rest or take a nap, or consider resting together.

Feeding Time

The focused closeness that comes with nursing or feeding the baby can make the older sibling jealous. Be sure to spend some special time with your older child before you nurse or feed the baby. This helps them feel like they come first and makes it easier for them to accept that it’s time to feed the baby. Sometimes it also works to have your older child eat at the same time, making feeding a shared moment.

Support the Sibling Bond

As your family grows, challenges and development will happen alongside each other. It might take time for the older sibling to adjust to the competition, no matter how adorable the baby is – when they’re not crying, that is…

The fewer expectations you place on your older child, the faster they’ll likely bond with the new sibling. Their relationship will deepen over time through your family’s interactions, with play, love, fights, and learning to show care all playing a role in their development. As a parent, you create a secure environment for both – or all – of your kids by giving each child individual attention and affection, while also setting clear boundaries when needed.

Every child is unique and reacts differently, needing different kinds of support at different ages. The more individualized support you can give each of your children, the more likely you are to witness the sibling bond you hope will develop between them.