Relationships During the Toddler Years – Ten Key Tips

When expecting a baby, most people focus heavily on the birth and preparing all the things they’ll need. But once the baby arrives, life with a newborn quickly proves to be a whole new chapter, challenging every aspect of life. The toddler years, filled with sleepless nights, complicated daily routines, and overwhelming stress, naturally affect your relationship. You’ll likely find there’s less time for each other and even less for yourself.

Statistics show that up to 30% of parents with young children end up separating. That’s a high number, especially considering that better communication could prevent many of those breakups. Here are some tips to help you and your partner work through the difficulties and keep your love strong through the rough times.

1. Talk to Each Other
Life with a toddler can be unexpectedly hard to manage. The first tip is simply to talk about what’s happening, how you’re feeling, and how it’s impacting you both. Talking is partly a skill that requires different efforts at different stages. Start during pregnancy by sharing your feelings and any worries you may have. Discuss your expectations and possible scenarios, including how you might handle future conflicts. Talk about your views on parenting, how you were raised, and how that might influence you as parents. Having these conversations to build shared understanding and strategy can be hugely beneficial for your relationship.

2. Make Communication a Routine
The second tip is to keep the conversation going regularly throughout the baby and toddler years. And don’t just focus on the struggles; celebrate your successes and try to find humor in different situations. Your relationship has entered a new phase, one with both highs and lows, and it’s important to recognize that the lows are just a normal part of life. Strengthen your bond by making communication a routine—schedule these moments if you need to. Create a space where you work on your partnership, growing stronger with each talk, even if you don’t always agree. Seeing your conversations as “your thing” will give you both a sense of unity and strength.

3. Adjust Your Expectations
The third tip is to adjust your expectations and recognize what’s realistic to expect from each other, yourselves, and your relationship. When frustrations run high, remind each other that this stage won’t last forever. Try to enjoy the good moments and take the challenging ones in stride. With the right expectations, everything becomes a little easier.

4. Nurture Your Relationship in Small Ways
No relationship works on autopilot; it requires care, active listening, and the willingness to contribute. The fourth tip is to view your romantic relationship as something you need to nurture and give energy to. The toddler years mean less time for you as a couple, but that doesn’t have to be negative. What matters most are not the occasional big date nights or grand gestures, but the small daily interactions. Smiling, asking thoughtful questions, showing kindness, and saying “thank you” can mean more than you realize. Listen to your partner’s needs and think about the little things you can do every day. If both of you make an effort in these small ways, your relationship might even grow stronger than it was before you had kids.

5. Plan Breaks and Enjoy Time Together
Consider early on who in your network might be willing to help babysit and reach out, even during pregnancy. You will need time to recharge, no matter how skilled you become at everything else. The fifth tip is, if possible, to carve out some time for just the two of you outside the home, doing enjoyable, maybe even romantic things together. It helps to reconnect and gives you a much-needed break from the chaos at home. When you’re out, try to talk about things other than the baby. You may even want to prepare conversation topics in advance to avoid slipping back into the usual discussions. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel spontaneous; the important thing is taking a break to reconnect.

6. Pursue Your Own Interests
The sixth tip is to take responsibility for your own well-being and make time to recharge. This makes you a better partner and helps you handle more. Work together to give each other time to pursue individual activities, whether it’s exercise, seeing friends, visiting a museum, or simply catching up on sleep. If life is overwhelming, don’t hesitate to ask for babysitting help. Taking care of yourself is an investment in both your parenting and your relationship.

7. Think Long-Term
Setting goals and dreaming about future adventures, trips, or even just the next dinner out can be uplifting for your relationship. The seventh tip is to let yourselves dream and think about the things you want to do together. During the toddler years, “the future” might mean next week or next month. Knowing you’re working towards something enjoyable can make the tough times more bearable.

8. Involve Each Other
The eighth tip is to avoid an unequal division of responsibilities with the housework and childcare. It’s easy for one person to take on more and end up feeling like the “boss” at home. To prevent drifting apart, be sure to involve each other in different tasks and activities. Let your partner handle things in their own way, without giving unsolicited advice or instructions. Strive to share the parenting load equally, making room for each other and taking initiative.

9. Prioritize and Plan
Life with toddlers, especially if you have more than one, is often a logistical challenge. The ninth tip is to create a planning and prioritization system to make room for more than just daily routines. A well-thought-out plan can reduce chaos and make it easier to have fun as a family and as a couple. Regularly check in with each other about how you’re feeling and what you need. Remember, people can’t read your mind; you have to express your needs clearly.

10. Find Balance and Accept the Chaos
The tenth and final tip is to strive for balance. Accept that life is messy, exhausting, or whatever it is right now. This acceptance can help you find peace in the chaos. Make an effort to be kind to each other and share responsibilities. Balance during the toddler years means deliberately creating a mix of family time, alone time, and couple time. By communicating and accepting that your relationship will be tested, you can avoid falling into traps that may strain your bond. Stay attentive to each other and continue investing in your love. It evolves with time and circumstances but can grow stronger when given the chance.